Ah dear Anika you have an over-active brain which is both a curse and also why you are so successful academically . Many of these questions will haunt you for the rest of your life, so you need to learn to put them to rest soon. This is referred to as quieting the monkey brain in Buddhist meditation. It’s also the path to anxiety and ultimately depression as the years go by if you let it get out of control - anxiety can be defined as worrying obsessively about the future. Depression as worrying obsessively about the past. Yet in all of this, you risk missing the moment - now is all we have. Just now, today, this instant. What I can advise is to learn to be fully in the moment, every moment. When you are with your family, don’t be scrolling on your phone or worrying about school or work. Stare deep into their eyes and ask them questions about their lives or state of mind. These are moments you will never get back. Apply the same to every situation and eventually you may be able to learn to be so fully in each moment that the past and the future will retreat to where they belong - out of your current consciousness. And of course.. love will come along. You don’t need to be looking for it. You don’t need to be completely focused on yourself. You can learn to be someone who is so fully in each moment that anyone who comes across you will crave your attention. Because you will be one of those rare gems that gives it 100%. In an era plagued by attention deficit disorder, we are constantly bombarded with various forms of stimulation, offering your undivided attention and energy will be an incredibly valuable skill in all aspects of your life. Good luck. Don’t forget to enjoy being 23..